When you don't quite measure up

As a pastor it's hard to know how to measure success. Even biblically it's a difficult thing. Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David, Isaiah, Jeremiah, the Apostles...they all met with mixed results, even when they were doing EXACTLY what they were supposed to do. So how do I gauge my effectiveness in ministry? I do my best to study fervently. I aspire to preach the gospel passionately. I strive to teach skillfully. I attempt to love our people deeply. As it is, I manage/administrate adequately (my major weakness, in my opinion). And yet I look at what has happened in our church over the last 4 years that I have been pastor, and it's a pretty mixed bag.

Encouraging things: We are engaged in more Bible study opportunities now with some real discipleship happening as well as our women's Bible study. We are pretty healthy financially. We are willing to take steps to prepare for an unknown future (clearing land, renovating facilities). There is little visible strife. Our student ministry is booming and reaching untold numbers of kids and parents. We have families desiring to join our church.

Things that depress me if I let them: Sunday School numbers continue to plunge (one class of young adults has vanished). There is an overall sense of contentment/apathy in our community that has crept into our membership. Sports is an idol that keeps people away from the fellowship of the body. Very few people are willing to serve. We have well over half of our church roll who do not attend worship, even semi-regularly. AWANA is on life support. VBS and WAM week (our summer children's events) are dead, and have been for 2 years now. I don't know if we, as a church body, really love people like we say we do.

And all of this is hard for me to admit. While individuals certainly bear some responsibility for our failings as a church, I am the undershepherd. I'm ultimately accountable. I'm supposed to have a handle on all this, right? Isn't the church's failing to some degree the pastor's failing? And so I'm tempted to evaluate my success as a pastor on outward, visible, measurable things - attendance, programs, leadership, people's faithfulness. If that's the standard, I am a failure and I should just go ahead and pack up and let someone else take over. But if the standard of effectiveness is rooted in something else altogether, maybe there's hope for me. Maybe I'm still usable. Maybe if I continue to study and preach God's Word, continue to love and care for God's people, continue to pray, and continue to surround myself with people who are strong where I'm weak, maybe I'll make it. That's the plan, anyway.

Dave